i’m writing a book about software for social good.

Well, long time, no personal discussions. Hello again, my sweet angels. I'm writing to you from a bit of a vortex, both personally and intellectually. In a good way, surprisingly. If you read my essays, you may have learned that back in March, I embarked on a journey to stop smoking weed. It has been so boring that I decided to write a book to fill the time otherwise.

Although I had been smoking weed for PTSD for almost 7 years, I was making changes in my life and trying to build something better for myself. There is a long story somewhere about a hit of rock bottom last year where I was getting drunk continuously and partying in London and other parts of the world with a lover on and off in a destructive cycle, and promptly destroying my life by fighting against surrendering to it. Fine, I can surrender into boringness that healing necessitates. I don't enjoy it, but I will bear it.

One of my therapy goals has been managing my suicidal thoughts and working to use them as an indicator instead of a forbearing. In that way, I've been making a lot of little daily changes to my life to improve my day to day. For example: I'm trying to build hobbies outside of work (fashion content creation), making myself more food as a form of self care, pushing forward in my education and reading, and just trying to build a life that's enjoyable for me. It's been a very interesting time in my life being able to recenter on my personal goals as we push into our next round of funding at Faura, as I approach 25, and figure out what I want from life.

If I am not getting high or trying to be the best CTO or girlfriend or daughter, what do I actually enjoy? I'm still learning what Amanda the person likes, not Amanda the social good startup robot who decommissioned from work into weed smoke and reawakens to new Linear tickets. Mostly non-fiction and romance books, as well as 90 day fiancé.

Sobriety has brought boringness. It's a comfortable dynamic now and one that I'm still tentatively holding, but that I'm no longer opposed to working through. I find that I'm enjoying silence, engaging with the world less, and thinking about fewer things in a deeper way. The dopamine from weed is leaving, and I'm working to replace better things towards it, like building better relationships with my family and with the people I love.

I keep on coming into the idea that I want to build something with longevity, and that transcends me as a living body of work. Over a long period, I've been the beneficiary of a number of technical books and often remember that I'm holding an encrusted version of someone's life and their knowledge into one body of work, or multiple. A book is so easy to read, yet so hard to legitimately make and condense.

A while ago, I wrote an essay called 'building software that "helps"'. In it, I attempted to formulate and distill a more operational format of the stuff I write about all of the time: software, technology, what it does to us and how to make that 'doing' more gentle and beneficial. As I was writing it, I came up with more and more caveats and other information I wished to pull in, but didn't. There's a number of core lessons that I've come to and written about, but I've never formatted it in a way that consolidates those learnings. That essay was my attempt to do it, and in starting - I learned about how much was left to be done.

Valkyrie and I were in New Hampshire last month in June, and one of the more beautiful parts of our friendship lately has been how much she reads. She finds a very steadfast joy in it the same way I do non-fiction, and we've been bonding a lot over reading and the places it takes us. She asked me what I would write a book about, and my mind immediately returned to that essay. I finished the first draft in 2 weeks.

In another thread, I find myself more and more frustrated with social media as the primary form in which educational content is now shared. I think there's so much lost in the context of messaging being made, by and for social media content. Even educational content is codified in engagement dangles, focusing on the content itself as a tidbit but without the tangible context and additional support to reinforce and deepen it. I found, even though I consumed so much educational content, that most of it was falling out of my brain. It was the Soylent of learning: I could drink and drink but would not face the satiation that comes from physical food.

More increasingly over the past few years, I've been pouring myself into reading. The great thing about living in New York City and being sober is there so many chances to read. I'm always in line, on the subway, waiting for something, or finding beautiful bits of downtime. So, I am always reading and always writing this book in my head about software for social good. Taking bits and bobs from books about homelessness, criminal justice, parole, social work, emergency response, user interviews, API architecture, startup management, non-profit fundraising, and just letting it swirl into my brain.

Well, now I'm bored - so I have been writing a book and putting myself publicly out into the world again. I need intellectual enrichment like a cat who simply had no choice but to start chasing the mouse that was its' only companion.

I'm super excited about writing a non-fiction book for so many reasons, most of all to give back some (hopefully beneficial) knowledge towards a body of literature that has given me so much of mine. I've been ardent about the fact that we owe this world more than it owes us, and I think translating that into an educational work while I find meaning in calmness will be greatly beneficial to me. This world is so crushing, and to be able to tear into a book and become one with it is one of the greatest joys I have right now. I want to be apart of that, in some fashion or another.

I don't know when it's coming out, probably end of 2026, early 2027. The manuscript is in its 4th or so revision before being shared with beta readers and going through a more intensive researching process. It's a little squibby at 65,000 words, but considering the fact I wrote it with my human hands - I will probably just leave it there.

I'm just excited to discuss it and to have something that I can utilize my brain for. If Steve Jobs was here, he would most likely say it rivals 'Only the Paranoid Survive' by Andy Grove as the greatest business book of all time. Don't disturb his spirit to fact check me, though.

That is all for now. I don't have much going on besides diving into the fullest extent of my work and I'm extremely bored. I also ended a friendship with someone where they told me that I wasn't going anywhere in my life, and I look forward to proving that even nowhere is a beautiful place to go. I just wanted to share a positive update on my whereabouts, and growing older. The future is coming and by fucking god, I guess I'm going too.

first couple of drafts :-) I don't have anything formally set up now, but put your email here for when I release it - https://codingiswhyicryatnight.beehiiv.com/. Thank u ❤ !